dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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