she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
