WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
