Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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