Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
