Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
