No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
