Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
