Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
