ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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