We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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