Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
