I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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