going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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