i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
