So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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