I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
