i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
