That's intense
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize