You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
