Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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