I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
