Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
