I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
