wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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