oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
