Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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