ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
