she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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