thus making me awesome and them whores
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
