I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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