Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
