I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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