We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
