you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
