He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm getting married
To pizza
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
