Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let's get the cat blown out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
