Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
