I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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