I am midnight drunk by noon
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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