I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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