I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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