Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize