Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
