The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
