It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
