i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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