What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
