drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
