I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
