My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
