Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
