I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
