i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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