when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
