I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
