There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
