Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Less talking, more tequila
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize