So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
