Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
