Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
