Kiss
Puke
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize