I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
