If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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