I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
