Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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