...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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