It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
