you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
