That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
