i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize